On a warm September night in 1994, my life changed in ways I never imagined.\u00a0 My husband, Jerry, and I were both on the phone talking to a friend when \u201ccall-waiting\u201d interrupted.\u00a0 Jerry\u2019s brother Bob urgently reported that he had just been notified that their eighty-year-old widowed mother had been hit by a car while walking across a familiar street in her childhood neighborhood.\u00a0 She had traveled there a few days earlier in order to attend a high school reunion.<\/p>\n
Bob, Jerry and I immediately jumped into Bob\u2019s car and started our eight-hour drive to Amarillo, Texas, where MeMaw had been care-lifted by helicopter.\u00a0 As we drove through the night, we were in touch with the Amarillo hospital and other family members who were waiting at the hospital during MeMaw\u2019s emergency surgery.\u00a0 Her legs were broken in multiple places, as well as her pelvis, but miraculously, she had no internal injuries.\u00a0 The doctors were primarily concerned about her surviving the trauma of the surgery and the death of her older sister who had been walking with her at the time of the accident.<\/p>\n
As the brothers reminisced about their mother and dealt with the possibility of their becoming adult orphans, my mind raced ahead to what my mother-in-law\u2019s recovery might look like.\u00a0 Surely she would not be able to live by herself, at least for a long, long time.\u00a0 We lived in the same town and her care would likely be our responsibility. \u00a0This was going to be a major interruption in our plans.<\/p>\n
Our house was then on the market to sell.\u00a0 With our youngest away at college, we had plans to move from our home of sixteen years. \u00a0We hoped to enjoy our empty nest years in a new house of our own design, more suited to our anticipated new lifestyle.\u00a0 (I was threatening to put a planter where the oven would normally have gone.)<\/p>\n
My journal entries immediately prior to MeMaw\u2019s accident indicated my feelings of unease and uselessness, not knowing exactly what best to do with my time now that high school events, carpooling, and mother-daughter talks would not be a part of my daily routine.\u00a0 I had, in affect, been laid off from my job and it didn\u2019t appear that anyone really needed me.<\/p>\n
Then suddenly, my brother-in-law Bob was hospitalized with a rare disease that left him paralyzed from the waist down.\u00a0 He went into a rehabilitation facility the same week MeMaw came out.\u00a0 Three weeks later, our daughter-in-law\u2019s fourteen-year-old brother was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor.\u00a0 He had surgery the first week in January.\u00a0 The next week Jerry lost his job.\u00a0 Just when we thought we couldn\u2019t handle another thing, the newest minister at our church confessed to Jerry, who was chairman of the deacons at the time, that he had embezzled money from his previous church and that it had just been discovered.\u00a0 Dealing with that situation became Jerry\u2019s new full-time job.<\/p>\n
Our house sold at the end of the month, which was a good thing, but the buyers wanted possession within thirty days.\u00a0 We were certainly needed at MeMaw\u2019s, and we had a roof over our heads, but I felt homeless and unemployed, nevertheless. I realized that we had become the beneficiaries of MeMaw\u2019s charity, instead of the other way around as I had been telling myself. \u00a0We were as dependent upon her as she was on us\u2014a very humbling experience.<\/p>\n
Praying for answers, dealing with doctors, adjusting to a husband at home, cleaning, and cooking in someone else\u2019s house became my life.\u00a0 My nest was no longer empty, and in fact, the nest was no longer mine! \u00a0I tried to hold onto God, but I despaired because MeMaw was not improving.\u00a0 It became more and more apparent that she would never be able to live alone.\u00a0 I wanted to do the right thing, with a cheerful heart, but could I?<\/p>\n
I noticed a similar reaction from women when I mentioned that I would be living permanently with my mother-in-law.\u00a0 I would explain that she was in the process of selling her house and that we were going to combine the proceeds from the sale of both of our houses to build one house compatible with all our needs and nicer than I had originally expected.\u00a0 Still, most of the married women would tear-up, offer condolesences, or explain how they could never live with their mother-in-law.<\/p>\n
When we three moved into our beautiful new home, MeMaw was so proud of her three rooms, \u201cher house\u201d — her own front porch, and her handicap-accessible shower.\u00a0 Her friends often visited, and they would play games, gossip, and laugh. Fried meats smothered in gravy became our five o\u2019clock fare\u2014a fifties flashback.\u00a0 \u201cGet the canned fruit covered in heavy syrup,\u201d MeMaw called after me as I headed for the grocery store.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sometimes MeMaw would watch TV with a friend\u2014over the phone.\u00a0 They would both be watching the same program simultaneously in their own homes and commenting about the show to each other while staying on the line for hours.\u00a0 (MeMaw had her own telephone line so I learned to laugh along with them without concern that they were tying up our line.)\u00a0 Then MeMaw got a computer, and when she was not on the phone, she was emailing everyone, even our daughter living overseas.<\/p>\n
I was grateful that MeMaw and I had had a good relationship.\u00a0 We had always settled our disagreements and misunderstandings quickly as they had inevitably come up over the decades of being related.\u00a0 There was no baggage of unresolved issues, resentments, or harsh words to sabotage our relationship, but we both struggled with the adjustment of sharing a kitchen (no oven planter) and managing holidays.<\/p>\n
I had envisioned freedom from a demanding schedule dictated by others.\u00a0 Certainly, I wanted to be useful, but on my own terms, when and where I chose. \u00a0I felt like I was under surveillance in my own home. \u00a0I knew MeMaw only wanted to be a part of my activities.\u00a0 I had to ask God to help me learn to share my life, from the laundry to the living room, with my \u201cmother-in-love.\u201d<\/p>\n
Corrective surgeries, rehab, heart problems, and medical setbacks continued.\u00a0 I wanted my independence, but God wanted me dependent on Him.\u00a0 I learned to rely on God\u2019s grace in the everydayness of life, just as much as I depended on Him in a crisis.<\/p>\n
MeMaw lived with us in our new house for three years before she departed for heaven, not nearly enough time to impart ALL of her wisdom and fun-loving ways to her daughter-in-law.\u00a0 However, \u201cher house\u201d is seldom empty, even now.\u00a0 God has sent us a constant flow of houseguests, grandchildren and international friends.\u00a0 I continue to pray for the welfare of those who reside with me, no matter how long or short their stay, and I\u2019m learning to anticipate and appreciate God\u2019s interruptions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
On a warm September night in 1994, my life changed in ways I never imagined.\u00a0 My husband, Jerry, and I were both on the phone talking to a friend when \u201ccall-waiting\u201d interrupted.\u00a0 Jerry\u2019s brother Bob urgently reported that he had just been notified that their eighty-year-old widowed mother had been hit by a car while […] Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-749","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-other"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/janicebyrd.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/749","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/janicebyrd.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/janicebyrd.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/janicebyrd.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/janicebyrd.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=749"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/janicebyrd.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/749\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":751,"href":"http:\/\/janicebyrd.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/749\/revisions\/751"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/janicebyrd.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=749"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/janicebyrd.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=749"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/janicebyrd.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=749"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}